Does True Love Really Exist?

It’s been a while since I posted here. I was on my motorbike (like everyone else in Bali) and I got inspired to write this blog. Does true love really exist? Is there such a thing as your one true love? I think not, at least not exactly. I believe that there are true loves (plural or multiple loves) and that true love is a function of fate (or whatever you may call it: coincidence, destiny, or whatever), decisiveness, and choice.

So: True Love(s) = f  [fate · decisiveness · choice]

I’m going to freely use the word “fate” here to describe the first function in determining true loves. There’s more than one person with whom you have the potential of being in a relationship. It depends on fate which one you meet first. Say you live in Bali. You may live your whole life never knowing that you have a true love waiting for you across the globe in Buenos Aires, who doesn’t speak your language and you’d never meet in your life. The one connection is that he/she is one of your true loves. So, fate allows you to meet your other true love who is more accessible, with whom you can connect more easily and conveniently. Yes, true love is also about convenience. Although the world is getting smaller and distance is getting closer (both physically through the ability to travel and virtually through the ability to connect online), I believe that you shouldn’t have to try to hard for your true love. Especially because you have more than one true loves. It just the matter of which one gets to you first.

But what if you have more than one true loves within a convenient distance from you or basically within reach? Well, this is where the second function, decisiveness, comes into play. You decide to go with one of those potential true loves. I agree with the notion that people who are more decisive are likely to be coupled faster. The conventional wisdom is that more attractive people tend to find their mates easier. I tend to think that people who are more decisive tend to mate faster; it just so happens that a majority of these decisive people are attractive, and thus the conventional wisdom. So if you find one of your true loves, decide to build a relationship with him or her, then you have your ONE true love. For a lot of people, this would be THE one in their entire lifetime. Remember that people can be conditioned or even condition themselves to love. So, as long as there is a potential within a person to be one of your multiple true loves, go with it and learn to build a lasting relationships.

Then, what about people who are with multiple true loves throughout their lives (at different times or even at the same time)? Now that is a function of choice. Once you choose a mate you also have to choose, throughout the relationship, to be with that true love exclusively and not open your heart for another potential true love. This is where some people fail, and thus affairs happen. Choosing to open yourself for another potential true love is the root of relationship problems. Especially since you have multiple true loves in your life. It could just happen you find one of your true loves first, and then while you are with him/her you find another one. It just depends whether your heart is open for that.

So, I believe you have more than one true loves in your life. It depends of fate which one you meet first; it depends on your decisiveness with which one you build a relationship; and it depends on your choice to stay with that one true love or open yourself for your other potential true loves.

"Ilmu Padi" and Social Network

"Ilmu Padi" is an old saying in Indonesia and perhaps all over Southeast Asia that compares one's maturity and self attainment with the growth of the rice paddy plant. In Indonesian, it says "semakin berisi, semakin merunduk" meaning as the rice paddy mature, and the grains and the spikelets get heavier, the panicles seem to nod or bow down. This is a metaphor for our own personal growth: as we mature, get better educated, or become more well-off, we should be more humble about our achievements and possessions.

In the recent years, I've noticed that this old metaphor has become somewhat of a paradox in the always-connected, modern 21st century lifestyle where our lives is not just about the actual physical things we do or consume, but also about our online presence with the various social networks through which we share our lives. Sharing is one thing, I've noticed (and experienced) that social media has encouraged outright bragging--on our activities, our travels, our consumption, and our possessions. This is very prominent in the Asian cultures where we like to brag about our experiences and our ability to purchase/consume/go to/belong to whatever.

Don't get me wrong, I am guilty of this as well. Perhaps, I am more guilty that many of you. It's just so much easier to brag than to be humble. Sometimes, I'm guilty of trying to paradoxically combine the two; I think UrbanDictionary calls this "humble-bragging," which in and of itself is an oxymoron. If you look at my facebook, twitter, instagram, path, etc.. I've posted, checked in, and shared a lot of travel experiences, food items, and even mp3 playlist that are strategically shared to 'build' a certain persona about me. Is it wrong? I'm not sure. It is most certainly not humble in the context of Ilmu Padi.

So what are we to do? Social media have definitely made it easier for us to share and to brag about ourselves. It is so easy to succumb to the pressure. All your friends are doing it, why aren't you. Are we departing from our age-old East Asian culture? I don't have the answers.

Sincerely Bali

Sincerity. One of the defining characteristics of Bali and the Balinese people. Sure, everybody has something to sell and everybody's trying to survive somehow. But I can say with conviction that Balinese people are generally sincere. Maybe I'm naive to think as such, but I tend to see the good in people. Sincerity is a trait that you can experience everywhere you go in Bali.

I had an epiphany when thinking about Bali, its tourism, and the way it markets itself. I came up with the slogan "Sincerely Bali" because I think it embodies what Bali and the Balinese people are all about. The idea certainly needs redefining, but I wanted to document it here first.

I think Bali is also sincere in a way that it doesn't try to hide its flaws to visitors. As visitors enter Bali, they get to experience first hand the good, the bad, and the ugly of Bali and its growing pains. We don't hide the fact that we're still developing and that our infrastructure needs attention. We don't hide the fact that our growth is so organic that it lacks certain benefits of carefully planned and forward-looking economies. There's some degree of sugar-coating, but for the most part Bali is what you sense and experience for yourself.

At the end of the day, Bali i truly what it presents itself to be. And we shouldn't try to present it otherwise when marketing to potential visitors and investors. As I look around other slogans like "Wonderful Indonesia" or "Remarkable India", I think Bali needs a buzzword that embodies the spirit of the island and its people. I would suggest "Sincerely Bali."

Why I Don't Frequent Starbucks

It's been five years since I last visited home. Back in 2007, we still had Krispy Kreme and Wisata 21. Now, I've seen the proliferation of so many chain restaurants and retail outlets, including Starbucks, J.Co, McD, etc., etc. That definitely signifies progress, and I believe they've been exceptionally successful because Indonesians love to experience new things. It also helps that we have domestic demand that is stronger than ever, coupled with the desire and ability to spend.

There's one big problem (at least from my limited pocket's point of view) with these "nice" eateries and cafes: they're expensive. I mean, they are not prohibitively expensive, but they are substantially pricey enough to make you think about the purchase. Perhaps once or twice is fine, especially when you need a place to hang out and reconnect with old friends. So, you'd spend IDR 35,000 or 4 bucks on a cup of coffee. It's expensive, but it's not THAT bad. I think the trouble comes from making a habit out of it.

I agree with Dan Ariely. In Predictably Irrational, Ariely (an economist) talks about lagged demand and the justification of spending over $4 for a cup of coffee. It goes something like this: The first time you stand in line (that's American for queue  by the way), you wanted to try it out to see what it's all about. You're thinking, sure I can splurge a little bit. The next time around, let's say the next week, you are standing in line behind last week you. You're now thinking that since you already justified spending the $4 last time, you're justifying your current demand based on your last experience. Pretty soon, you may not even think about the price as you find "your coffee". Eventually, your demand for expensive Starbucks coffee comes not only from your desire for coffee at each particular point of time, but also from the previous demands that you justified.

The thing is, we are a creature of habit. Once you justify spending that much for coffee, you would tend to accept it as your new norm (i.e., that a $4 cup of coffee is perfectly acceptable). You become a coffee aficionado, which is awesome, but when you think in bigger picture $4 can get you a full meal (or two) in Bali.

So, my two cents is that you should think of the big picture. Over time, how much money would you be spending at Starbucks? Then, what's the opportunity cost. Let's say you go often enough to where you spend $50 a month, think of what can you use that money for. You could, for instance, use that money to pay your health insurance premium.

But I digress. The bottom line is that I don't frequent expensive places like Starbucks because I don't want to justify spending that much for something that's not absolutely necessary or incredibly remarkable. Plus, I don't want to make a habit out of it. I'd go once and a while, but not often enough. I think you frequent a place often enough when you don't even think twice about the price. So, if you want to save money and you find yourself not thinking twice about the price you pay for coffee, perhaps you should slow down and start trying cheaper coffee instead. You liked it once, you might like it again.

Home Sweet Home

Bali. Home sweet home. I've been away for nine and a half years. It' been too long. I've only been home a couple of times since I left the humidity of Bali in January 2003 for the icy cold Missouri winter back then. Many winters later, I decided to come home to start my career here and, perhaps more importantly, to be with my family.

I've always told my friends that I was born and raised in Bali, but I discovered myself in America. During my time there I attained some fancy degrees, which really do not mean a whole lot if I can't apply it to good use. While in the US, I discovered my true calling and became a lot more comfortable in my own skin. Now, as I return to rediscover my home island, I am ready to say that I progress in Bali.

Ah, that word: progress. As I look around me, I see Bali progressing. New buildings erected, new shops open, new jobs made available. Progress is good. My goal is to in my re-discovery of Bali is to document said progress, share it, critique it, and perhaps offer something that would contribute to (and not take away from) such progress and development.

Home sweet home. Definitely true. It feels sweet to be back. I hope to contribute something of value, if nothing else through my words and ideas. I look forward to my discovery, and look forward to sharing it as well.


Dalung, 4 June 2012.

Chris Susanto.